04.30.19
Writing is suppose to come from the heart, its suppose to be a trickle effect from the words to the thought provoking feelings it pulls out from within. For isn’t that the very reason we choose to write? To think that even for a moment you can transform words into meaning for another? To believe that the thoughts you put to ink are able to touch the soul of another?
I started this blog site at a time in which my life was unfolding from one chapter to the next. It was a time where I had profound growth in my life and I was unapologetically honest and passionate to talk about the things we shouldn’t talk about. The topics that provoked thought or were quite possibly considered inappropriate to discuss in such a public form. To challenge ideas and questions that I sought worthy of thinking outside the box about.
When I started to open up and learn how to be vulnerable with the world as I knew it, it was terrifying, it was unnatural even, and completely foreign to me to be so transparent. Courage is what started the ability, but soon after it was the individuals who touched my life that gave me wings to fly. I remember almost over night, I had people that I didn’t know, or people that I hadn’t spoke to in ages reach out to me, to personally touch my life by their words, with their thoughts. To have people reach out just to tell me how much my words touched their day, to know that someone felt relatable about a situation that touched them by hearing my words; well that’s profound. It was the most endearing form of compliments that one could ever want; the type that makes you want to reach down and give more.
People actually felt as though something I said or did touched their world enough that they wanted to show me appreciation. How much sweeter can the world taste? To know and feel the love of others that have seen through your depths? In a way, it sculpted my ability to continue my march in this maddening raw depiction into my mind, into my heart, into my soul. To think that maybe I could use the stories of my past to touch the lives in my present, well, that gave me hope. Hope that maybe there was still some good to come from the dark. Darkness is all that has ever surrounded my life; I know pain, I know difficulties, but I also know what it takes to be triumphant in the battles of our life, I just didn’t know how to be open about it.
Little by little, I started to put words to the thoughts that circled the corners of my mind. The parts that touched my heart in a way I had never been so publicly. This isn’t a restricted site, its completely open to anyone in the world to see, and suddenly I was never more raw. But being raw has a way of getting people’s attention, of changing the very course of their thoughts. In a way, I suppose I felt like I wasn’t just doing this for me, that there was a bigger picture at hand. But looking back, I wonder how much it did for me and my growth as it did for others, therapeutic even.
What does therapeutic mean? Well, it lays foundation to the premise that most of these blogs haven’t been wistful from the tongue. They have required me to look within, to dig deep and most of all to feel feelings that at times even felt torturous to relive. For writing with passion comes from the deepest part of ones emotions.
Writing can show our deepest vulnerabilities, it can shed light in the most intimate of ways for the writer. This year has tested me in ways I never dreamt possible and it has jostled my life from one chapter to the next. Writing is intimate and my words are derived from passion and emotion, something that has been challenging to formulate in a pubic manner here of late. So to my followers I want to say thank you; thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and thank you for the patience until the next blog unfolds.
Just Janke 