The beginning. The end.

Ever get stuck, somewhere between the beginning and the end? To know what it feels like to know, that you can’t go backwards nor forwards. I imagine it feels much like someone stuck in quicksand; unable to struggle, unable to fight, unable to move. Weighted by the powerless ability to do anything but succumb to the idle wait the world has shifted upon you.

To open your eyes to everything you already felt to be true but you rejected with hope. They say that expectations are the root of all heartache, but have you ever tried to have zero expectations from the people you love? It is nearly impossible. For hope is a powerful thing, and it is often in times of desperation that we hold on to the ideas behind hope rather than see things with absolute clarity.

Then one day you wake up and you see it clearly. The world that you have always lived in but have never truly seen, for you blinded your sight by hope and aspirations. What are you supposed to do then? How do you proceed when everything you have ever known to be true is suddenly in question?

Wants and desires leads to actions and efforts and when blindly followed they can change the course of our entire life’s direction. They can change the very person you become. But how were you to possibly know that one little thing had the ability to change your entire life until it was too late? Hindsight is a funny thing. Sometimes the very thing you go after isn’t want you get, or worse, isn’t what you thought it to be.

But life never works out the way you expect it. Life has it’s own agenda and plans for how it will unfold. And it is when we are caught in the tidal wave of accepting what we don’t expect that we begin to feel it all. We begin to see clearly how far our paths have steered from then to now.

The truth is, we all think we know what we want, but honestly, I am beginning to wonder if anyone truly understands what they want. For the very moment we get what we want, we no longer want it to the degree in which we did before attaining it. When we don’t get what we want, we keep circling back to the loss of our desire. A ongoing cycle, if you will.

Somewhere between the beginning and the end, we need to find clarity. We need to see truth. For we live in a world, where people are used and things are loved. We abide by a society that encourages us to go after anything we want, to become anyone we want no matter the cost. Yet we live in a world where we are afflicted by loss and gain. Where we are constantly pushing to move forward or backwards, but what about the middle? Why don’t we acknowledge the abiding effects of floating in the middle between what once was and what will become?

Its the unknown. Its the part of our life that dictates whats next to come. And the unknown is often scary, so we fixate on what we want/wanted. We hold true to what we know rather than letting go of what we thought we knew. What we fail to recognize, is that its the middle that defines us the most, for the beginning has already passed and the end is yet to come.

5 thoughts on “The beginning. The end.

  1. This brings to mind the Situationist’s assertion that we live in a world where the shift from individual expression through directly lived experiences has become individual expression by proxy through the exchange or consumption of commodities. We live through things instead of actually having lived experiences. We’re losing our humanity. We need to get unstuck from the world that corrals us into these false experiences.

    Un-met expectations. The root of all relationship and life disappointments. If we can let go of expectation and let go of finding happiness or satisfaction from eternal things/sources, be it material or finding happiness through others, we will find that true happiness is a state of being that is not connected to conditions. If we seek joy through external conditions we endlessly seek new conditions to find joy instead of discovering that it needs to come from within. This usually happens when we find, or get closer to, our true purpose, our true nature.

    Perhaps your “middle part” is that – finding unconditional joy and presence by being truly present and in the moment, free from all conditions. Being present – there is no yesterday or tomorrow – just this moment. The middle place is the place of becoming. We need to stop thinking of it as being stuck.

    Liked by 1 person

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