Lost At Sea

And suddenly I just couldn’t stand to care for one more moment. The draining of my very soul was the cost of flesh paid in pounds. This isn’t living, this is breathing; one moment at a time. These motions in life that are habitual, that are time consuming and full of bareness are the ones that wear down the very core of my soul. So I did it, I booked a flight and embarked off to my next international exploration; The Grand Cayman Islands.

Desperate to get away, to be away. Can you envision it? The crashing of the waves as they violently kiss the shoreline before returning to sea. The taste of the salty air as the sea breeze comes wisping by demanding to heighten both your sense of smell and taste as you inadvertently lick your lips. The feeling of sand squish between your bare toes as you move closer to the shoreline further grounding you to the divine energy of it all. As you take in the sight, it becomes magnetic to the eyes; beauty so vast and serine it’s now painful to look away. Suddenly my entire being has been overtaken by a calming effect that only can be found at sea.

This is the place where my heart swells and my soul heals. This is where I lose all of my woes and heartaches. The everyday stresses of life cease to follow me here as I make my descend to my next island runaway.

This is where I go to lose myself in the only way I know how to. Away from the societal demands, the ignorant hierarchies, the self serving mindsets and the fallacious judgements that have taken control and poisoned the very society we reside in. The ocean is where I run to. It’s where I’m reminded of how beautiful and organic life truly is, how pure beauty truly is, how precious life is.

It’s here on the shoreline that I find myself in the most basic form. For the ocean has taught me how to drown out all the things bigger than me. It’s the ocean that I turn to when I need to find solitude in my life, when I need time; time to think, time to feel, time to hold, time to heal.

I can sit on the shoreline and breath it all in for hours or even days at a time. I can find peace here with all the woes that I’ve held on to. Here, I can lose myself in the very process of it all. And even though the waves know my story, I can’t stop here, I want more, so I become one with the ocean.

I dive into the blue world of unknowns. Where my fears and aspirations collide as I swim further away from the shoreline to the crevices where the puffer fish come out to play. Watching the various species of fish pass by only ignites my excitement as I silently try to recall which species is which. To be lost in the beauty of their vibrant colors and curious faces. Constantly fascinated by each new pop of color as I continue to pass by the corals and the sponges.

To be awestruck when you find yourself freely swimming side by side with a friendly sea turtle or even the sting ray directly beneath. To find yourself at the center of the same school of fish all afternoon as if to be properly welcomed under the sea. As if to signify I am one with them. To swim so closely as to be intertwined with the school that you can’t help but to graze a fin with the tips of your fingers or the thick of your toes as you continue to swim deeper into the wild blue. This might be one of the most indescribable joys I’ve ever experienced, to feel so interconnected, to feel so raw, to feel that wild. This is what it’s all about. These stolen moments in life that touch the very core of who you are and rejuvenate your heart with utter and pure bliss.

The waves know my name, the ocean devours my story and yet every time I return, I am lost in the raw beauty of it all. This is where I belong, this is where I break down to the rawest version of myself. Where I break the barriers of the iron clad walls I’ve instinctively put up to protect myself from the haphazards of life.

And when the sun starts to fall and you notice the rays of light penetrate less and less through the waters below, it’s a welcoming sight to find the shoreline. To return to the world and land you so desperately fled from. For the ocean has taken you and swallowed you while leaving you with nothing but the best parts of life. And it’s only when your skin breaks part from the waters and the air takes ahold of you as you descend upon the shoreline that you feel the difference. The person you were is no longer the person you are, even if in the smallest form. For the ocean has changed you. Unbeknownst to you, you took your woes and sent them out to sea, only to return without them. You lost yourself in the very essence of the sea.

Sitting on the shore both physically exhausted and emotionally rejuvenated I take in the very last gift from the ocean. I let my eyes devour the hues of pink, the brilliant tones of gold and burnt ambers, the stunning variations of blues as the sun sets on the ocean. It’s in this moment that I’m reminded to live in today, to lose myself in the very wonders of the world. People always hold on to the idea of tomorrow, but the truth is tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, for life is fleeting. Natural disasters occur, health dissipates, extinctions devour, time becomes stolen and the next thing you know, tomorrow is gone. So today is all any of us truly have and once you start to live in it and for it, you begin to understand the very essences of living. To be lost at sea is all any of us can ever truly hope for.

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